Feeling Better

Yesterday (Wednesday) was a rough day. It started off well and progressively got worse. I had a little emotional break down. My sister Amanda, my wife Keagan, and my friends Elizabeth Shults and John Perry all had separate talks with me that all made me feel much better. My problem is that I bottle up my emotions and feelings until its overwhelming and I just break. I had been bottleing things up for weeks and never really faced any of the issues that I was going to have to deal with during this entire process. Getting it all out made me feel so much better. I feel like a weight was lifted off of me. Today is going to be a better day.

I want to thank Elizabeth Shults for the cookies she brought over as well as Katherine Benbrook and Laurie Jasper for bringing cookies and lunch for us on Wednesday. I really appreciate it and I'm sorry I wasn't in better spirits.

Lunch has become an issue for me lately. I just don't want to eat. I'm not sure why, I love sandwiches and pizza and all the foods that have been brought to me, however I can hardly eat any of it. Dinner is a different story, I have no problems eating, but it is still less then I would normally eat. Maybe because I'm not exercising my body has toned down its caloric needs? I'm not sure.

I addressed my sleeping problem yesterday by renting a hospital bed. I was sleeping well in the hospital all through the night due to the bed that can adjust to any position I want. Trying to get up and down out of my bed causes muscle spasms and intense pain in my chest. I think I will be much happier with the hospital bed. The only problem with it is that the bed itself will probably take up the entire living room. I'll apologize ahead of time for anyone coming to visit, please excuse the mess.

I got up at seven this morning to take my mile walk with Keagan, I had to stop a few times just to gather my breath, but its getting much better. Keagan is my biggest blessing. She is always smiling at me and blowing me kisses. She is so positive and caring, I'm a lucky man. Have you all seen "Jerry McGwire?" Its a movie staring Tom Cruise and Cuba Gooding Jr. There is a part in that movie where Cuba describes Jerry as being his "Ambassador of Quan." He describes it as the person with ultimate care in their heart, respect, reliable, trusting, and loving. He expresses how that person is always there for them and is truly their best friend. That's what Keagan is to me, she is my "Ambassador of Quan." I thank my creator every day for her, she truly is my biggest blessing.

I attached a video clip from Jerry McGwire if you would like to see where the word "Quan" came from. (there is some bad language in it so don't let your kids watch)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0fizqifumk


My plan for today is to work on the computer a bit and see if I can get some work done. I had planned on coming back to work this Sunday and I believe I will not meet that goal. I may shoot for late next week or just start fresh in August. Thank you all for following the blog. I appreciate all the comments that you leave. It makes me feel like I still get to interact with all of you. I miss my co-workers, I miss my clients, and I miss my family that all came to help out and take care of me. I'm so grateful for my parents coming to visit and helping me through that first week. I am grateful for my sister, Amanda, for bringing me home, cooking me meals, and for listening to my venting. I'm grateful for my brother Chris and sister in law Buffy for taking off valuable days of work to come down and check in on me on surgery day. I'm grateful for all of my visitors in the hospital and, now, at my home. You all have no idea how much you mean to me.

Everyday gets a little better...some times its hard to see that when I'm looking at myself every day. When I really focus and think about how I was just two days ago I see how much better I have become. That is inspiring and makes me feel like it will all work out in the end.

- Robert